“ Am I afraid to lose you?" with eyes glistened with tears I asked myself; heart pierched with the flashing memories I’ve had where your hand fits perfectly with mine.
Like a broken record, the question struck me one last time.
“ Am I?"
A sudden waves of commotion occurs in my head.
I’ve been living in a survival mode for twenty-nine years something, living in a battle field where I slowly losing grasp of my ownself. I’ve been losing the people I treasured with every fibre of my beings in a blink of an eye; feeling their grip loosened. I’ve been living with the invisible wounds all over my body where no one knows where it came from, even myself. I’ve been enduring the pain my whole life that crumbles my whole beings in hope I can have a sip of the heaven. Bruises on my bare skin, fracture in my bones suffice to prove how many battles I’ve been in, just to have a glimpse of the heaven I long to grasp.
For so I thought, losing you would just a scratch that I got when I pick a Rose in a garden. Like a cut I got when I peel apple that give me a temporary pain compared with the deep wounds that been here for too long.
I’ve gone through hell back and forth, letting the flames burnt down my whole beings, and all I have is none. So losing you would be nothing compared to the Hell I’ve gone through my whole life, a single cut won’t bleed me dry.
I no longer have the will to fight nor the will to bend on my knees; plea in mercy for I’m adapt to writhe in agony.
“ Am I Afraid To Lose You?" i asked myself once again.
despite it all...
I do,
I am still afraid.
